gospel of Thomas 38

Jesus said, "Many times have you desired to hear these words which I am saying to you, and you have no one else to hear them from. There will be days when you will look for me and will not find me."

Here Jesus is giving the disciples a little warning, not to become too dependent upon the master. Many times have the seekers wanted to hear teachings, from Jesus. He is satisfying a certain thirst in them. But through words. And Jesus knows full well, that in the end, the seekers have to go beyond the dependence on him, on the master. The disciples have to find God for themselves.

In Buddhism, in Zen Buddhism, it is said, if you meet the Buddha walking down the road, kill him. Sounds violent, doesn't it? But it means, sooner or later, if you're looking for your enlightenment on the outside – if you are depending upon some teacher, master, for your enlightenment – that is enough to stop you from realising your essence. So you have to drop it at some point, that dependence upon a master.

And here Jesus is saying, there will be some days when you come looking for me, and you will not find me. It's a sort of threat. Look, if you don't start seeing truth for yourself, then I'm going to start hiding from you, to force you to do the work on your own.

Perhaps Jesus already knew of his impending death. Many masters have a feeling about such things in advance. So perhaps Jesus was warning his disciples: soon I will be gone, so become self-reliant; find your own connection with truth, with the light, with God.

And whilst we are seeking truth, until we come to reside deeply in truth – as the truth, as the light – until we have reached that state, we should remember to be thankful for what teachings come our way, but not to personalise it all in one teacher, one master. No. All of life is teaching us. All of life is whispering the truth to us. And if we find a certain silence within ourself, we will hear those whispers everywhere: in the trees, in the clouds, in the murmur of a stream babbling to itself. Everywhere, the teachings are coming to us. We must learn to listen.